I met a guy who knocked me off my feet! He was caring, loving, and supportive. He was all that I was looking for in a man. He was the man of my dreams!
Unfortunately, after a couple of months, I found out that he is not that perfect. I realized that he has issues, and those issues were making a living hell out of our relationship.
Sadly, I was loving a broken man. I somehow became a part of a broken man’s life. I never thought that I would meet someone emotionally unavailable and broken.
I never thought I would stumble into the world of emotionally unavailable men.
I thought something nice will happen to me because I deserved it. I still don’t understand why God sent him to me.
Perhaps that was His way to teach me a lesson. Maybe I was supposed to save my man.
From his darkest secrets, from a life in agony and depression, from coldness. Maybe this lesson was the gift Jesus left me.
The thing is that at the beginning, you actually don’t get it when someone is broken. Broken people act like everyone else.
They tell jokes, laugh, and enjoy their lives. But the real them arises when they stay alone. In those moments, they don’t need to pretend that they are someone else.
Those moments are there to show them what they’ve transformed into.
And nobody sees what happens except the 4 walls of their rooms. In this case, I saw what it feels like to be broken.
I saw many signs of a broken man, and I couldn’t ignore them. Today, I want to share them with all of you who are struggling to love a damaged man.
So, listen to me, because these are the things you didn’t know.
1. He has trauma from his past
A broken man will never talk much about his past life. The thing is… those people have problems trusting strangers.
So you will have to earn his trust and respect to actually make him open his heart to you.
The reason your man is broken is that he has some trauma from his past. It can be child abuse, losing parents or having difficulties getting over cheating.
All those things made scars on his heart, and he is struggling to get over them.
For as long as he refuses to face his past, he will remain broken and unhappy. It’s a vicious cycle which cannot be broken that easily.
2. He compares himself to others
For some reason, your man thinks that he is not good enough for you. He will compare himself to others.
He will even want to let you go to find a better man than him. This is a sign of a severely damaged man!
He doesn’t think his life is valuable, and he doesn’t have any self-esteem. If you want to keep him, teach him how to love.
Tell him that you need him and that his past life is not as meaningful as he thinks. With a loved one, it is easier to cope with life problems.
3. He doesn’t let you near
The most obvious sign of a broken man is that he will never let you come near. He has problems letting new people into his life.
There were so many of them who hurt him, and earning his trust can be a mission impossible.
It is up to you if you want to stick to a man like this. But whatever you decide, bear in mind that he is capable of loving—he just does it differently.
If you try hard to win him over, maybe he will make you the happiest woman on earth.
4. He is anxious
Every broken man is anxious. Period. That is something which will follow him until he dies.
He will always have that dose of caution because he went through so much shit in his life. He was hurt, and he won’t forget that.
Now, he just wants to prevent being hurt again. That’s why he will act so anxious when he meets new people.
The thing is, he just needs to bring back that faith in life and people again, and let others make his life richer.
5. He is depressed
Of course he will be depressed—someone hurt him, and now he needs to recover from that. He needs to find a way to heal his broken heart.
He needs to feel alive again.
He needs to trust people and let them come near. Otherwise, his life won’t make any sense.
We are all social human beings, and the fact is that we can’t function without people in our lives. If your man has these signs, be there for him.
Go step-by-step to show him that after all, life can be beautiful. You just need to let some things go.
6. He feels better off alone
A sign of a broken man is that he would rather choose to be alone than in a crowd of people.
He has that scenario in his head about people who hurt him, and it is very difficult to get on track again.
Loving a man like this can be tough. But if your feelings are sincere, there is nothing that can stop you getting the best out of him.
You just need to be patient, and things will work in your favor—and in his, of course.
7. He takes alcohol
Drinking alcohol is a good way to shake the stress away. This is something a broken man knows very well.
He spent so many sleepless nights with a bottle of Jack in his hands, thinking of people who hurt him. He was thinking about the woman who left him.
What you can do in a situation like this is to talk to him. Tell him that if he drinks alcohol, his problems won’t vanish.
They will be even bigger when he wakes up with the next morning’s hangover. Tell him that it is okay to start from scratch because that is something we all do.
And most important, tell him that you will be there no matter what happens.
You’re going to give him a hand of salvation and to be his support in any rough days that will come.
8. He lost his friends
When a man is broken, he won’t feel like hanging out with his friends. This is one of the most important symptoms of a broken heart.
By doing this, he is sending a message to the world. He wants us to know that he feels better alone and that he needs some time to arrange things in his head.
And what you need to do in this situation is to let him go. Give him time to heal completely. Show him that you care enough to wait for him.
I am not saying it will be easy, but at least you will know you saved a man who was depending on you. You saved him from the demons inside him.
9. He won’t go an extra mile for you
Let’s face it—he just met you, and he thinks you are the same as the others. You can forget about him going an extra mile to make you happ.
He has been hurt, and the only person he wants to see happy is actually himself. His going the extra mile for you is something which has to be earned.
If you care enough for him, show him that life is not a bitch. Show him that you are not the same as those bad people that ruined his life.
Show him that you will be there no matter how many times he refuses you. Show him that you are not a quitter. Trust me, this will mean the world to him.
10. You have ONLY one shot
A broken man won’t give you more than one shot. Even this is too much for him.
So, don’t do stupid things, and don’t fuck up all up. Be yourself, and teach him how you function.
Maybe the two of you have a lot in common, but you just need to find it out. Don’t be harsh on him because he feels this way.
He would want to be different, but he can’t. He is still learning how to love the new him. And he would appreciate it so much if you could be his biggest support in his life journey.
11. He only knows about the present
He lives in the present because he is afraid to think about the future. Such emotional insecurity doesn’t disappear that easily.
For most men, it’s something that follows them like a shadow, for the rest of their lives.
With that being said, broken men are not the best choice for a long-term relationship. They actually don’t even think that far.
Getting married and starting a family is not something they will consider.
Not because they don’t want to, but because they are afraid to. If you ask them, they only think about today because they don’t know what awaits them tomorrow.
12. He is forever cautious
Any minute you spend with him is rocky. You never know what can go wrong in his head.
You never know when his anxiety and his fears may kick in to destroy everything the two of you built so far.
I don’t even have to stress that what you have now took a long time to build. It would be a shame to see it all go to waste because of nothing. Because of insecurities and irrational fears.
Building a relationship takes a long time for him because he’s been hurt and burnt in the past. This time, he wants to make sure that doesn’t happen again.
For you, this can easily get frustrating because you don’t have all the time in the world. Your biological clock is ticking. You want to get married and have children.
But with such a man by your side, you don’t know if you’re wasting your time. You cannot date him forever.
Something has to change, and soon. Broken men struggle making anything in the relationship official, not just marriage.
13. You need to be very patient
Broken men often need someone to guide them. They need someone to help them understand their broken feelings.
They need a person who knows how to deal with everything that goes on in their minds and hearts.
In most cases, this means you have to be very patient. Most of the time you’re going to talk about his emotions and the problems bothering him.
It’s beautiful that you help others, but you have to pay attention that your heart doesn’t get hurt in the process. You have to think about yourself, too.
14. You have to know when to take a step back
It’s tricky to know exactly when to take one step back and leave him alone. Broken people will always ask you to leave them alone in their hardest moments.
Yet, leaving them alone is not always the best idea. Sure, everyone needs their personal space. Those are the boundaries you have to respect.
But what happens when they push you away, but you know you have to be there for them. Behavior is the thing to look out for. You have to pay attention to how they behave.
People who suffer from depression often abandon their personal hygiene. They simply don’t care about it anymore.
The level of their psychological health is at a very low point.
At those moments, you can’t leave them alone nor you can be always present. If you’re there all the time, it will drive them to an even worse state than they are already in.
So, you have to be invisible to them yet have them in your sight all the time without them noticing. Sometimes, you need to deny them what they want and give them what you think they need.
You need to do this depending on the emotional state of the broken man. Those choices depend solely on you.
Trust me, in those moments, you know what’s best for them.
15. Loving a broken man is a commitment
Being in a long-term relationship with an emotionally unstable person is an enormous commitment—no matter how emotionally strong you are.
Maybe you won’t see it at first, but their mental health can seriously impact yours in a negative way.
If you’re not ready to love such a man with all your heart, it’s better for you to walk away at the beginning. If you’re too sensitive to handle it, that relationship will destroy you.
Broken men come with a lot of baggage and a past which haunts them. If you can’t handle it, don’t get into it.
Leaving a relationship at an early stage is not a crime. Thinking about your own needs and your mental health is not being selfish. It’s called loving yourself.