The famous quote by Shakespeare: ‘To be, or not to be, that is the question can be applied to almost everything that bothers us on a daily basis. This quote says so much, yet at the same time so little.
It is the best example of something as beautifully complicated as a woman’s mind. Women have this tendency to weigh everything before taking action, and the same applies to texting.
To text, or not to text him, that is the question.
Should I text him? How many times how you posed this question to yourself? And how many times have you actually had an answer to this annoying question?
It is really hard to decide whether to text him or not (regardless of your status). He could be your crush, partner or some stranger you’ve never met before, and the pressure always remains the same.
That texting dilemma is something that kills all the joy of new relationships, the existing ones and the potential ones. I mean, if you don’t text him, you will never know the answer. And if you text him, perhaps you will not be satisfied with the answer.
Are you ready to handle the truth?
When it comes to texting, always think twice whether you’re ready to handle the potential harsh truth. You need to have in mind that not all guys are polite and open-minded as you might have thought.
There are some guys who will hurt your feelings by ignoring you (especially if they are not into you), while some of them will ignore you only because they enjoy playing a game called “being hard to get”.
So, if you decide to text them first, some guys will never text you back just because they enjoy the feeling of being wanted by you which makes them superior. And if they want to preserve that status, they will have to stop themselves from answering you.
I know it sounds sick, but it’s the world we live in. And that is why you need to be ready for every single possible outcome if you decide to text him.
What are your motives?
Another thing that you need to pay attention to is your motives regarding texting him. Do you really like that guy and texting is just an excuse to come closer to him? Do you actually have something to talk about with him?
Always think of your ulterior motives for texting, and you’ll find the right answer. If you’re just texting him for no apparent reason, chances are that he will not text you back (especially if he doesn’t know you).
But, if you have a valid reason to text him, then you should never think twice about doing it. You need to know that there’s a difference between having a valid reason and texting for no apparent reason.
The biggest difference is that if you have a valid reason, you’re simply trying to talk to him because the topic is relevant to you and to him, and it is not a waste of your time or time.
But, if you’re constantly finding excuses to text him, this behavior may turn into an obsession which is not healthy for your well-being.
Before thinking about texting him, always first ask yourself: Am I ready to handle the truth and what are my motives? That way you’ll get closer to the right answer whether you should text him or not.
Also, pay attention to the following questions and rules regarding texting that will help you find the proper solution for a particular texting circumstance or a situation you’re in.
Should I text him or not? 10 golden rules when to text and when to wait
1. Are you always the one who texts him first?
If you’re always the one texting him first and you’re wondering whether you should continue doing so, the answer is ‘No’. You should never overextend yourself for someone who never bothers making an effort to contact you first.
Ask yourself why are you doing this in the first place, and you will have your answer. If you’re doing it just because you really like him even though you see that he doesn’t give a shit about you, you should not text him first.
If you’re doing it just because you’re afraid that he’ll never text you first if you’re not the one texting him first, you have a fear of being rejected, and it is a serious red flag that you should change something.
If you’re always the one who texts first and you’re always doubting whether you should do it or not, you will never be truly happy.
If he’s your boyfriend, you should try talking to him about it, and demand some valid explanations or if he’s someone you’ve just met or a potential boyfriend, you should stop texting him right now because chances are that he’s already taking you for granted.
And if he doesn’t text you first even when you wait, you’ll know that his intentions were never serious or worthy of your time.
2. Did he text you first?
If the guy texted you first, it is a perfect opportunity to respond. You don’t have to worry about this one. Simply reply, and wait for him to text you back.
Yet, the only thing you need to worry about is whether you like that guy or not? If you don’t like him, you don’t want to give him false hopes to think he has a chance with you. You should never force yourself to do things just because you want to be polite.
If you don’t like the guy, you can always choose to send a brief reply, and tell him that you don’t have time to text him. And if respects you, he will immediately stop texting because you’ve told him politely that you’re not interested.
But, if he continues bombarding you with unnecessary texts even though he knows that you’re not interested, you have every right to tell him openly to stop texting you or you can choose to ignore his texts and consider blocking him.
Always beware when you recognize this type of behavior because he might be a potential psycho who feeds himself on your attention. This is the most dangerous situation you can experience regarding texting because if you don’t intervene, it can quickly escalate into something bigger.
See also: 12 reasons why he never texts you first (but always responds when you text him)
3. Are you under the influence of alcohol?
Alcohol and texting is a combination that should be avoided at any cost. When you’re under the influence of alcohol, it is hard for you to make reasonable decisions and to understand the thoughts that are running through your head.
So, if you’re under the influence of alcohol, you should never text him. It doesn’t matter if he’s your partner, your ex or someone else because the potential damage of texting him when you’re drunk is the same in all situations.
When you’re drunk, you’re basically saying things that you are not able of saying when you’re sober, and that is the main reason why you should never text him in that situation. You don’t want to ruin things you’ve been building for years with someone just because of two or three extra drinks.
It is always better to turn off your phone or give it to someone else when you’re about to drink (so that you don’t feel tempted to text anyone). And if your thoughts are constantly burdening you, then you should think of talking to him about it instead of texting
4. Have you ever talked to him (in person) before?
If you’ve never talked to him before, you should not text him. Let me explain why. If you’ve never talked to him in person, it means you don’t know the guy. And if you don’t know the guy, you have no idea whether he’s a commitment-phobe, emotionally unavailable, a psycho or something else.
You can never be too cautious to whom you’re texting today because the world is full of unreliable people. Another argument why you shouldn’t text him first is because he might think that you’re too shy or socially awkward to meet him in person.
You know the feeling when someone you’ve never heard about all of a sudden texts you? You think of him as a creep who doesn’t have the courage to approach you in person. And that’s exactly what he’ll think of you. And if you really like him, you should think of other ways to establish contact with him.
Summarized, if you don’t know the guy, don’t text him first because it will save you nerves and time as well. And life’s too short to spend it living in a delusion while texting someone whose personality might be totally opposite in the real world.
5. Is he making an effort in the conversation?
Remember the golden rule of texting: If he’s not making an effort in the conversation, you shouldn’t make an effort to text him. It is as simple as that. If a guy is not interested in making an effort to have a quality conversation with you, he’s not worth your time. Period.
And how will you know whether he’s making an effort in the conversation?
You’ll know that he’s making an effort if he always responds within a decent amount of time (you don’t have to wait for hours for his reply), if his responses are full sentences (and not only one or two words), if he sends you emojis, etc.
If he does all of these things, it means he genuinely cares about you and the conversation you’re having. It means he wants you to know that he’s there for you, and he’ll do anything to make you feel comfortable when texting him.
It means he’s not egocentric, thinking only of himself and replying or texting you only when he needs you. There’s a big difference between a selfish guy and selfless guy. A selfish guy will do anything to appease himself, whereas selfless guy will do anything to appease you.
6. How many times have you texted him today?
If you’ve already texted him and he didn’t reply to your text, don’t send another text. If you’re wondering why, the answer is simple. If you send multiple texts to a guy who is simply not responding, he will think of you as desperate.
I know that there’s nothing worse than the feeling of anticipation whether he’s going to finally text you back or not, but, please, stop yourself from texting him again. You’re a beautiful, confident woman, and you should never make him question your confidence and self respect.
If your desire to text him is really strong, try occupying yourself with other things to prevent you from texting him. You should never make him a priority if he’s treating you as an option. You’re not an option, and you’ll never be.
So, if he doesn’t text you back, turn off your phone if needed, and go enjoy your life without thinking of him. Remember that your happiness is the first thing that you should be worrying about and not some guy who didn’t text you back.
7. Are you in a relationship with him?
If you’re in a relationship and you’re questioning whether you should text him or not, you need to ask yourself why is it so? Do you think that your partner has become reserved all of a sudden?
Or that there’s something wrong with him and because of that you’re afraid of texting him?
When you have doubts whether you should text someone with whom you’re in a relationship, this is a potential red flag that something needs to be changed.
Is he neglecting your needs lately and you would like him to notice you more? If that is the case, you’re probably scared that he has lost feelings for you, and you’re not sure if texting him is the right thing to do. You’re not sure if that will fix things or make them even worse.
Whatever the reason be and if you have any doubts regarding your relationship, the best choice is to talk to him in person instead of texting him. Demand that he tell you what’s on his mind because that is the only healthy way of dealing with relationship issues.
Have you had an argument with your boyfriend?
Arguments are really tricky when it comes to relationships. When an argument finishes, you can never know what the other person is thinking, and it is really frustrating when you’re not sure exactly what to do in that situation.
Should you text him or wait for him to text you first? Should you forget everything that happened and tell him how much you love him and that you don’t want to fight anymore? Should you text him, or, not?
If you had an argument with your boyfriend and now you’re not sure whether you should text him or wait for him to text you back, the best solution is to think of the reason why you wanted to text him in the first place.
Is it because you want to tell him to fuck off or you want to apologize for something you’ve said to him? If you only want to show him your rage, you should never text him. But, if you feel that you should apologize, feel free to text him if that will make you feel better.
8. Do you want to share something funny with him?
If you’ve found something funny that reminded you of him and now you don’t know whether you should share it with him, you have the green light to do it. Guys love humor.
It is something that is deeply rooted within their beings, and it’s simply how they function. If you see a funny picture, video or something else, you should not hesitate to send it to him because it will make his day. And who doesn’t like to laugh?
A woman with a sense of humor is automatically ten times more attractive. If you understand the types of jokes he prefers, you should let him know that the two of you have some things in common.
But, the problem arises if you overdo it. It is never a good idea to overwhelm him with thousands of funny pictures, videos or other things because if you overdo it, it will no longer be funny.
Instead, he will think that you’re trying too hard to entertain him which is not that sexy.
You should always be subtle when it comes to sending these things because more is always less.
If you try too hard to send ten videos every single day only to make him laugh, he will know that you’ve been searching for them in order to send them to him. And it will seem like you have no business other than keeping him entertained.
9. Have you just been on a first date with him?
First dates are always full of hope and at the same time, full of potential disappointment. And texting plays an important role when it comes to this. The eternal question that bothers every single woman after a first date is: Should I text him?
And the answer depends on the type of guy you’re dating. Has he treated you like a real gentleman? If he did, chances are that he’s going to text you first, and you just need to wait a little bit more.
Real gentlemen never forget to text the woman they are interested in. So, if he had a good time with you and if you’re sure of his gentlemanly manners, be sure that he will text you sooner or later.
But, if the guy you’ve dated has treated you poorly (no gentlemanly manners at all) and he didn’t care about your feelings, you should never even think of texting him. And if he does text you, think of an excuse to keep him away from you.
You should never accept anything less than you deserve, and you should always give him some space to text you first. And if he doesn’t, you can consider texting him instead, but only if you’re sure that the guy is right for you.
And you’ll know it if you observe his body language and the way he treats you in person. Our body language reveals more than our words, and you would be surprised what you can discover if you only observe his behavior.
10. Are you thinking of texting your ex?
The answer is ‘No’. Don’t even think about texting your ex because it will only bring you more problems than happiness. Always remind yourself that there’s a reason why he is ex and not a current boyfriend.
Texting your ex is like walking on the minefield of your past, and if you don’t have a specific reason for doing so, don’t do it. It is okay if you still have feelings for him because that is completely normal.
Give yourself some time to get over him and to let go of your past. And if the urge to text him still persists, then think of talking to him in person. Never use texting to express your emotions or to extract information out of him.
Instead, focus on the present and devote yourself to the people who love you and who need you. You are not your past, and there’s no need to suffer the agony of not knowing whether you should text your ex or not.
Yet, if he texts you, don’t immediately show him how much you’re thrilled because of it (even if you are). Act like you don’t really care about it, and if he is still persistent, then think of giving him a second chance. But, only if he proves you that he’s making a real effort to win you again.
If you’re still not sure, trust your gut!
If you’re still not sure whether you should text him or not, listen to your inner voice that will tell you what is the right thing to do. Always trust your intuition because it is something you shouldn’t take for granted.
If you hear that little voice inside you, telling you that you should text him, then text him! But, if you feel like it’s not a really good idea, then better not. You can also ask your friends for their opinions on this.
Also know that if you’re constantly overly anxious about texting him, maybe that means that the problem lies in you. If you’re an introvert, chances are that you’ll find texting and talking to him really stressful.